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18 April 2008 @ 07:29 pm
It's been a while... wow, when I fall off the wagon I really do a good job of it. It's been almost a month since the last time I posted. Things have been quiet at work, I've been getting my ducks in a row and I haven't had anything negative happen yet, but then I haven't messed up a punch yet. I'm not going to lose sleep over it.

So, it's been so incredibly busy that I haven't even posted that we've been on vacation. My parents have a time share, a villa, in Kissimmee (pretty much Orlando) Florida. It's in a very elegant resort complex and the place is just gorgeous. Two big bedrooms, the master bath has a jacuzzi, we have our own full size bathroom to ourselves as well. The loft has become Steve's favorite hangout as it's the only place he's able to get a decent wireless signal, I'm ok down here in the living room with dad's Mac.

The weather here has been beyond compare. 70's and breezy from last Friday till about Wednesday, perfect weather for doing some light park visiting. It was actually on the chilly side, believe it or not, when the wind was blowing. We spent a day and a half at Universal (awesome) and a day at Epcot. My cousin works for Disney as a cook so our Epcot day was free and we got his employee discount on souveniers and for our lovely dinner at the Japanese restaurant.

The latter part of the week has been warmer, 80's, and less breezy. The sun has been more intense and I've definitely tanned, despite the fact that we spent two or three days just lounging around while my parents visited family in Ocalla, and then went to Miami. We're the kind of people who like to take it easy on vacation, not run ourselves ragged. My parents have WAY more energy than Steve and I do.

It's been a good vacation, no doubt about it. The Xanax my doctor gave me worked like a charm with my panic attacks and flying. I was calm, not woozy, and they actually WORKED, despite me not thinking they would. My time here has been wonderful, I read three short novels in a series, one very large novel in a series, and finally had to stop by a book store to buy another thick fantasy novel to take me through the last two days and the airport. I haven't gotten nearly any knitting done, sadly. I can't knit in the car and the socks are metal needles so I can't take them on the plane. I did get a lot of spinning done with my new custom spindle, which did not make it in time and had to be sent via priority mail by Katie. Thanks Katie!

Speaking of Katie, it's her birthday today. Katkins, I wish you all joy and love, even though you already found yours. I hope that this natal day finds you wrapped in the arms of the one you love, surrounded by well wishes from those who also love you, and filled with the warmth of a content heart. No one deserves it more. :) I miss you, you would have loved it here.
Current Location: Kissimmee, FL
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: My father booming away in Spanish on his cellphone.
16 March 2008 @ 10:02 pm
I'm very dizzy tonight... the screen (be it computer or giant roll down projection screen) keeps clicking to the left. Click-click-click. Kind of like spinning, but more like a broken record.

This weekend I did a lot of beading. I made a beautiful necklace with moss jasper and glass beads that are every color of the forest floor and dappled sunlight, with matching earrings. Today I made a black and teal necklace, pendant and earrings set also. I am inspired and happy about that. I am also knitting (endlessly) on my husbands first hand-knit (from me) sweater. I made chicken soup also and Katie visited. :)

We will be looking at a house next weekend, Steve's friend wants to sell. It's kind of 40's Hollywood stucco "Craftsman Bungalow" style. We are probably not ready for this, but it doesn't hurt to look. It may be entirely too small, but it's got a 20x20 studio, basement, attic, and .8 acres of land... plus lots and lots of wood. I'm intrigued.
21 February 2008 @ 10:40 pm
In preparation for my appointment with the pain management specialist next week I have created a log. You can see what I'm trying to keep track of here.

It's weird to see it all laid out like that. You can read what prompted me to do this here.
31 January 2008 @ 08:44 pm
This week I’ve noticed a coping mechanism that I’m proud of. Regardless of how my body actually feels at the moment, I’m conscious of - and elevated by – the good things that have happened. All in all, this has been a really good last couple of weeks. I’ll start with the smaller things and work up to the big stuff.

First off, I got new glasses. Because I don’t like the selection and prices that my vision rider allows, I choose to go to out of plan vendors and use my flexible spending account money when I buy glasses. It’s been around three or four years since my last eye exam, not good when I’m supposed to keep an eye out on my pressures (high for my age, history of glaucoma). I went with America’s Best, where we got Katie her glasses last summer. The service was excellent as always, the staff remembered me from her visit, and I loved the selection.

For $251 I got two pair of frames that included ultra thin lenses, scratch protection, anti-glare, protection plan, tinting on one pair to make them into sunglasses, and a comprehensive eye exam that included field vision and glaucoma test. I love both pair. The everyday pair is similar to the old ones but daintier, and not brown. These are black with pink insides. The sunglasses are like slimmed down retro actress shades, the frames shimmer from black to navy blue in the light. I can go in for free adjustments any time.

Next up we have my bi-annual review. This is my first review with the new boss, and while I know she’s been pleased with me, you just never know… so there was some anxiety. Turns out I had nothing to worry about. Out of 11 areas I got 7 Exceeds (hard to get) and 4 Meets (more the usual). I have qualified for another raise, though this one will be smaller because I could conceivably get two raises per year now vs. one. The raise money comes from a pool, there are four of us in it and how high your PEI (Performance Evaluation Indicator) rating is determines your share. I should find out in less than a month, after the compensation committee meets. I’m just glad she’s enthused about my work, and that she’s been good to work under. I still hate not having a window with a passion, but otherwise it’s good.

Lastly, I made my husband smile and laugh this week despite all the stress he’s been having at work. Trust me, this is no mean feat. He’s been feeling like ass and his new boss is acting like one, so I’ve really been trying to make him feel extra appreciated and loved.

So, I’ve had a lot of reasons to smile. On the flip side I’ve had significant pain by the evening every day this week. I start out reasonably limber and only moderately twinge-y and by mid-afternoon/dinnertime I’m in sustained pain in at least three areas, usually the forearms, hands, upper back and neck. The neck part gets on my nerves, it’s now consistently running into the base of my skull and setting up shop. I think if it’s going to be a permanent resident it should at least pay rent. Steve was concerned enough that he thought I should ask Katie for a pain pill or two. I chose not to ask because I meet with the pain specialist in a month and I don’t want to start taking anything strong before I meet with him. I think he should have an accurate picture of where I’m at. I’d just take Aleve until then, or something else OTC like Ibuprofen or Aspirin, but unfortunately they don’t do anything for me anyway.
Current Mood: pleasedpleased
Current Music: Squirrel Nut Zippers - Put A Lid On It
20 January 2008 @ 10:17 am
You paid attention during 97% of high school!

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don't get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
Create a Quiz

I even know the question I got wrong, it was the triangle thing. I didn't want to cheat and google it, so I'm absolutely positive I guessed wrong, having not an inkling of what the answer might be. I always did suck at math.
13 January 2008 @ 03:51 pm
You Belong in 1997

With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

Wouldn't you know... I graduated in 1996. :)
11 January 2008 @ 02:25 pm
Today is my husband’s birthday, and I mark this day as precious to me. Not precious enough to have overcome holiday burnout and planned a proper birthday party that didn’t leave people with less than one week’s notice, but I digress. I totally made it up to him by softly singing him happy birthday while he lay in bed waiting for me to leave so he could get back to the business of sleeping. Yes, he took two days off, much deserved I might add.

Steve (he always has been and always will be Steve to me) is many things, most of them endearing. Sure, my man can be a little fussy at times, and that does tend to clash with me being an ArTISTE. He can be forgetful too. But you know what? He’s also sweet, tender, funny, loyal, principled, strong, smart, caring, thoughtful, loving, great with money and terribly kind. Most of all, he’s my man.

Happy birthday, beloved.
Current Music: Jewel - Who Will Save Your Soul?
03 January 2008 @ 11:01 pm
I have a strange memory. I can remember things from when I was on the far side of toddler age, and yet, during the height of my depression there were times when I’d disassociate so badly that I’d lose whole days like sand through a sieve. I remember things I wish I could forget and have forgotten things I’d give anything to remember. Just as things were just starting to get black around the edges (I would have been only just sixteen) I remember lounging in my friend Carol’s bedroom, one lazy summer day in 1994. I was visiting for a long weekend at her home in Newburgh, New York and glad to be away from my own one horse town. As most kids my age did then, before the ubiquitous Internet hookup and despite her having cable and my own home not, I was reading her recent copy of Seventeen. Flip, flip, flip… pages of useless trash depicting ads of women who were thinner than I’d ever been and clothes I couldn’t have afforded in my wildest dream. The only thing that was even remotely interesting was the section on upcoming books, movies and music. I scanned, barely even paying attention.

You’ve read those reviews yourself, just because it was a teen magazine doesn’t mean that it was any less a.) gushing, or b.) deliberately snooty as a rule than any other collection of reviewers. I really can’t tell you why this particular review caught my eye more than any other, it was only a short collection of sentences and a tiny thumbnail picture, just like all the rest. The picture showed a man who looked like every other grunge rocker of the time, perhaps slightly better dressed, but just as scruffy. He clutched an old fashioned microphone in his hand and his face was bowed away from the camera. It wasn’t his picture that caught me so much as the way the reviewer described the album. I can’t tell you now, thirteen years later, what they said, only that there was a naked passion to the way his music had obviously touched the writer. Why I, a cash-strapped teen, should feel suddenly compelled to fork what little I had over on a complete no-name crooner is beyond me, but that I did when we took a trip to the mall the next day.

I practically wore that cassette tape out. I played it over and over again, struck dumb at first at the raw emotion recorded on that thin brown ribbon of tape. Play, rewind, play, rewind. One song in particular was in danger of wearing through. I didn’t know that it was a cover, I only found that out years later, from my father of all people (who has very limited American cultural references before a certain age), not that I cared then or care now. I used to carry around my Walkman every where I went and I’d sit in the darkroom at school and surround myself by that red glow and his angelic voice. It was seven minutes of escape, seven minutes when I was utterly transported and all that mattered was a darkness I’d chosen, and the sound of his voice. I’d try and match him note for note but there was no way I could hold a note as long as that man could. He could draw it out to it’s shivering end, long after I’d run out of breath. I’d force other kids, people who were barely friendly to me, to listen to his song. I’m surprised I wasn’t teased about it, they were probably freaked out. While the tape is long gone, I’d (illegally) downloaded the song a few years ago and then lost it again.

Two days ago I had one of my mental zig-zag moments that ended with the intense desire to download the entire album off of iTunes, instant gratification at it’s finest. God… pressing play was like pressing hard on an old wound, one that never quite stopped aching somewhere deep inside. Every time I hear that song I’m taken back in time, to that darkroom, to complete and utter silence where only his voice filled the darkness behind my eyes. Listening to him sing is like taking out a photograph of a dead lover, long gone but still possessing the power to move you to tears though you’ve very much moved on. It has that bittersweet ache and I’m sixteen all over again. I listen and close my eyes, I listen and I raise my voice in time with his. I watched the video and I’m reminded how sweetly he gave his heart to me, to everyone.

Summer of 2007 marked the ten year anniversary of his death and I’m not surprised I’ve been thinking about his music more and more subconsciously. I’ve always said that drowning’s not a bad way to go, having been mostly there myself once. He died the day after my 19th birthday. I wish this video, the only good version I can find that's embeddable, hadn't cut out the beginning of the song. That soft breath that is part of what makes this song what it is to me. That breath takes me back, every time. I miss you Jeff.

Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
Current Music: Michael Andrews & Gary Jules - Mad World
02 January 2008 @ 06:26 pm
74 words

Learn Touchtyping

It's good to know that I've still got it. And that was with 0 errors.
Current Mood: amusedamused
01 December 2007 @ 08:40 am
What color is your soul painted?


Your soul is painted the color orange, which embodies the characteristics of balance, heat, enthusiasm, flamboyance, playfulness, aggression, over-emotion, danger, desire, strengthens the ability to concentrate, attraction, adaptability, and stimulation. Orange falls under the element of Fire, and symbolizes glory and fruits of the earth.

Personality Test Results

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Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Guitar Hero III